the dreaded holiday

So one of my favorite holidays is Christmas. It's not really the presents part that I like–although I do like buying gifts for people, especially when it is just the right gift. What I like about it is the family part of it...I like spending time with family, immediate and extended...baking cookies, decorating the tree/house, playing games...I love all of it. I guess that's why my other favorite holiday is Thanksgiving–it's about family...and college football :) The only thing I don't like is the fact that Christmas is so closely followed by New Years Eve. I haven't cared for New Years Eve for some time now, but this year I am dreading it more than maybe any year. It's just that it is yet another holiday that seems to be so couple focused. And yes, I realize I may sound like a broken record going on about being the only single person in St. Louis, but it still seems to hold true. I really don't think I'd be exaggerating if I said that 90-95% of my friends in St. Louis are in some sort of relationship, leaving me to be the pitied odd man out. I'm tired of it and it seems like of all the holidays, New Years Eve has a way of highlighting a persons single status more than any other. Yes, of course there is Valentine's Day, but a) that is specifically isolated for couples and singles are not expected to celebrate and b) people aren't given the day off for it and expected to have big plans regardless of your relationship status. With New Year's Eve these two go out the window...people always ask, "What are you doing for New Years?" and it becomes a dreaded question for me, because I never know. This year, once again, it's even worse because I am the lone single person. My roommate invited me over to her boyfriend's house for a party she says they're having and I had to ask, "Will I be the only single person there?" I didn't exactly get an answer, which basically means yes. So, no thank you, I will stay home and go to bed early.

This brings out a couple of Sex and the City moments that I feel like I can identify with (because the show is pretty amazing). I feel like Charlotte (go figure) when she's exasperated about not finding her white knight. Now, I don't know that there really is such a thing as the great white knight, but that doesn't mean you can't find something close. And to be perfectly honest, at this point I'd be happy just to have a date. Granted, I might take that last statement back after a horrifying date, but at least it might make for a good story. My other moment comes from the movie, when Carrie runs to Miranda's on New Years Eve so they can be together. The only problem is my Miranda is in California and running to her is a little bit difficult/expensive. That happened two years ago when I was still living in L.A. and I was able to see her to avoid being alone on New Years, but I had to go and move away so that option is gone. My parents will probably even have plans for New Years...I think they have a better social life than I do ;)

I am (as of today) 24 1/2 years old and I have probably spent 24 of those years single and dateless. I am not looking to settle down and get married right now, I don't know that I'm ready for that and still have things to figure out (then again, maybe I'd feel differently if I found the right someone), but would a date be so much to ask for? I don't know what it is, but guys just do not seem to express an interest in me, it's as if I'm invisible sometimes/most of the time. Maybe I come off as intimidating, cold, or indifferent, I don't know, but there seems to be something about me (or a lack thereof). I mean, what do I need to do? What does it take? because I really don't know.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy Christmas and my weekend with family in Kansas City. Then I will deal with New Years Eve when it gets here, wondering what this next year will hold and whether it will be any different than the previous one. The upside is that the very next day is the Rose Bowl and I will get to watch USC play Penn State and (hopefully) demolish them. If nothing else, there will always be college football and major league baseball to look forward to.